Quiet Chaos

sunshine burns through closed eyelids

trees shimmer sound past dormant ears

thoughts drift from real to fantasy

not entirely here nor there

gentle sway of hammock hung

from plum to maple

toes painted purple, shoulders bare

a chill, a shiver in warm summer glare

perfectly calm, yet in the midst of chaos

a heart turned and tossed

by night, by morning conflicted

every inch of life processed

in words that cannot convey meaning

nor spirit, nor heart in clarity

but desperately striving to reach out

to resist the urge to hide from life

to face the storm and ride the waves

putting out my truth as I see it

fighting for what is worth my time

knowing it will be a ride

and in the end, I wish to be left

with a grin on my face and messy hair

and when I look behind,

I’ll see grinning back, my loves,

the ones who buckled in

and dared.

 

~ Emily Clapper

6.30.16

Constant

Laugh or cry

live or die

speak or silence

dig or fly

scream or sigh

try or run

commit or resist

love or hate

hide or play

eat or starve

drink or dry

push or pull

fuck it or keep going

be or be not

sink or swim

hug or punch

light or dark

here or there

sure or unsure

take or give

fight or flight

worst or best

joy or sorrow

night or day

high or low

shame or pride

truth or lies

one way or the other
no matter what
I’ll be here

~ Emily Clapper

6.30.16

Damned

Damned if I do
damned if I don’t
I can only offer
what I have
leave me there in hope
that it’s enough
that all I have to give
is worthy of receipt
that those who love me
will stick through the deep
the rolling hills of life
the trials and the light
the dark and the fight
that when I’m feeling cold
reach out a hand to hold
that when I’m feeling quiet
they make space for thought
but keep their hearts near
should I need an ear
that when I’m ready to talk
I’ll open up and reveal
and even if not
that I’ll know they are there
just as I would always be
for those I love
for the ones I would
sacrifice myself
to defend, protect, fight for
against the world’s evil
that give-and-take that makes
a soul worth meeting halfway
in the mire and muck
where it’s too easy to say fuck it
and flee to the easy way
but to turn into the fire
to not shrink from pain
to confront the mirror

to begin again

and again

and again

 

~ Emily Clapper

6.30.16

 

Elastic Heart

 

This song I’ve been wanting to learn on piano forever, but haven’t gotten around to it. But, finally decided I’d try on harmonium. The vocals are a bear, but I did my best.

Kickass song, lyrics, and video, if you haven’t seen it before.  Enjoy.

*****

Elastic Heart ~ Sia

And another one bites the dust
Oh why can I not conquer love?
And I might have thought that we were one
Wanted to fight this war without weapons

And I wanted it, I wanted it bad
But there were so many red flags
Now another one bites the dust
Yeah, let’s be clear, I’ll trust no one

You did not break me
I’m still fighting for peace

Well, I’ve got thick skin and an elastic heart,
But your blade—it might be too sharp
I’m like a rubber band until you pull too hard,
Yeah, I may snap and I move fast
But you won’t see me fall apart
‘Cause I’ve got an elastic heart

I’ve got an elastic heart
Yeah, I’ve got an elastic heart

And I will stay up through the night
And let’s be clear, won’t close my eyes
And I know that I can survive
I’ll walk through fire to save my life

And I want it, I want my life so bad
I’m doing everything I can
Then another one bites the dust
It’s hard to lose a chosen one

You did not break me
(You did not break me, no)
I’m still fighting for peace

Well, I’ve got thick skin and an elastic heart,
But your blade—it might be too sharp
I’m like a rubber band until you pull too hard,
Yeah, I may snap and I move fast
But you won’t see me fall apart
‘Cause I’ve got an elastic heart

Oh oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh

Well, I’ve got thick skin and an elastic heart,
But your blade—it might be too sharp
I’m like a rubber band until you pull too hard,
Yeah, I may snap and I move fast
But you won’t see me fall apart
‘Cause I’ve got an elastic heart

I’ve got an elastic heart