Hello friends,

I am getting spam followers by email with the outlook.com address. It’s been happening for some weeks now. I remove them from the list when I can, but now some aren’t even showing up under followers even though I get the email notification. It doesn’t make any sense, and I’m not sure who might benefit (and how) from playing those games.

Anyone else? And what can I do?

In other news, I hate doctor appointments, especially ones with surprise pap smears. Just a routine check-up today, but that was waiting for me and didn’t know it. Doctors appointments just bring me more stress when I’m trying to reduce it. I’ve been stewing since I got home over all the grrr — even though I’ve been doing relatively okay, all things considered.

I’m still very focused on my continued rehab and life balancing act. Wish I could catch up on all of your works. But sometimes life has other plans, sometimes you have to slow down and tend to the minute functions of every day. I’m trending the right direction gradually.  I did my vestibular rehab on the beach yesterday which was a level (or 5) up from where I was — sand is a super challenging and unstable surface, even for those without vestibular dysfunction, so although I felt fairly decent before and during, I was walking on the sinking Titanic the rest of the day.

Today feels relatively okay considering how I felt last night, so it’s the biggest guessing game. And to make it more fun, in order to get my brain to compensate to the new stimuli, I have to repeat it. I have to get dizzy and off balance at just the right amount doing the prescribed therapy, right when I feel like I’m doing better. And repeat.  And primary care docs just don’t get it, so today’s appt was supremely frustrating. Thank God I have my vestibular therapist.

Sometimes you just have to ignore the docs and listen to your gut. They can’t possibly know everything and only spend 20 minutes with you, which is not nearly enough.

I will check in with my muses as I go and when inspired I’ll write, and when I can, I’ll read.

~ E

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Forever and Never Before

I am rose water and almond oil
toes against the waves
I am fog that parts by noon
schooner aiming away

I am music no one hears
muscles torn and warm
I am earth born and sky free
salted butter on the tongue

I am fire and antarctic ice
question seeker me
I am night walker wandering
sleeper traveling dreams

I am loyal dog at heel
passionflower climbing vine
I am heated popcorn kernel
potential energy expands

I am stockholm syndrome survivor
bonnet wearing pilgrim
I am knit scarves and angel wings
quilt with endless pattern

I am comet leaving trail
dust in beam of light
I am dragonfly on reed
swirling skirt with pleats

I am the end of movie reel
peanut butter chocolate
I am all and none and everything
forever and never before

~ Em C.

5.8.18