Haikubes


Scored these at a sidewalk sale. I’m pretty impressed with my first attempt. Quite profound for a dice game! You roll all of the the dice, and the cubes with the red sets up the subject. Then you write your haiku using the words on the top of the cubes.

Also, I’ve come down with a head cold, so I apologize for not being here much on top of the last couple weeks of stuff. Poetry soon, though…I feel it brewing. 

Float

 

Sliding down burning rope
into darkened depths
of glimmering hope…
each level descended,


I shatter in scope

— breaking layers
one by one —
leaving the past

dis
in
te
grat
ed


behind in my wake

of tormented times.

Freer and freer,
deeper and deeper
I dive,
growing fins
where wings were.

I do not fear
the landing
because

I float.

 

~ Emily C.

5.31.17

******

Hello friends. Just a quick note to check in. I continue in my recovery and healing from my own challenging year, and then the grief of Chris Cornell’s death. I needed to detach from obligations and expectations this last little while to really truly shed layers of stress built up. I am finally…fingers crossed/knock on wood…seeing glimpses of my happier self shining through (prior to Chris’ death). It’s been a daily consciousness kind of thing, and really listening to my needs, making them known, saying no, and living in the moment.

On that note, while I have been writing some, I’ve had to breathe from the reading here a bit. Today, I have spent all day trying to visit and catch up on as many blogs as I can.  I am also working on not apologizing for things that don’t need apologizing for, so I won’t say I’m sorry for not being around, because my health needed the break. (Being a people pleaser is part of what has caused so much stress to begin with.) But, I will say thank you for your continued support and love. Especially to those who have reached out during my grieving.

I think after a year of constant daily writing, my brain needed space. And honestly, I think that it will mean that I have a wellspring built up to produce more words when they are ready.  I need(ed) to allow myself the time.

Love to all. I’m always in awe of your talent, passion, beauty and friendship. And while we all need time away, I doubt I could ever stay away for long.

Thank you!

Love, Em

Help Save Seattle’s Pearl Jam and Soundgarden Music History!

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During this week of mourning for Chris, more sad news has developed. Yesterday the news reported that the building that houses the basement where Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Alice in Chains all practiced as young bands in the ’90s is going to be put up for sale on the market.

It is under the Black Dog Forge ironworks company.  For decades fans have flocked from all over the world to visit the space.  It is still being used as a practice space for bands to this day. In a city that is on development steroids, it will no doubt be purchased and destroyed unless the Forge can come up with enough money to buy the building itself.

There is a Go Fund Me page where donations are being collected. Any amount is appreciated and even if they can’t reach the necessary target, the money will still go to a good cause in helping Black Dog Forge relocate.

I am going to try and find a way to share this link on some Pearl Jam fan pages in hopes that it will spread like wildfire.  I hope Eddie is aware, too, but not sure how to bring it to his attention.

If you feel you can donate anything, please do. And even just sharing the link would be a help because others may want to contribute.  You can share the Go Fund Me link, the news articles, and you can reblog this post here on WP to reach even more.

Thank you for your support with this, and for your understanding as I work through my time of sadness. I hope to be back to normal programming in the near future. Love, Em.

Save Seattle Music History!! ~ Go Fund Me fundraiser page

Help Save Grunge Landmark Black Dog Forge ~ a longstanding practice space for icons like Soundgarden and Pearl Jam  ~ The Stranger, Seattle

Black Dog Forge Building to be Sold ~ MyNorthwest.com

Long Live Rock ‘N Roll Campaign to Save Iconic Seattle Music Space ~ KIRO TV

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Goodbye, Chris.

Grief is an interesting beast; sharp and spiny, with a very soft tender center. Sitting at my favorite place, the gathering space and cafe inside KEXP radio at Seattle Center, just across the field from the Space Needle and the International Fountain; my mind struggles to process exactly where to start.

The city of Seattle is a beautiful place. It is growing rapidly, mostly due to the takeover of Amazon and other tech companies drawing the thousands of new people here for their workforces. I know the city is changing. I know that people like me, native-born Seattleites that are still living here, are getting increasingly harder to find, a rare breed, if you will.

I was a young pre-teen and teen when this city was giving birth to grunge through the likes of Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Mudhoney, Green River, Mother Love Bone, Alice in Chains.  I was just young enough that it was an act of rebellion to go out to some of these concerts. My mother, a somewhat conservative Christian (while liberal in politics), didn’t always understand why I was rebelling into punk and grunge. I was the good little church-going girl (Although that changed as well. Being forced into religion turned me off to it once I grew into my own.) But, my room increasingly morphed from pink to black, sporting posters of my favorites.  And Soundgarden was a big one.

I believe it was 1990 when I was 13 turning 14 years-old that my brother and I were allowed to go see Soundgarden live at what was then the Coliseum, now Key Arena. This was a HUGE deal. My mom just didn’t ever “let” me do this kind of thing. I once even had to lie to her about going to an Alice Cooper concert in Oregon, somewhere about this time.

She probably felt better that I was going with my brother who swore to take care of me. Although, she wasn’t a fan of my outfit, saying I “looked like a sex pot.”  In 1990, concert going gear consisted of tube skirts and jean jackets with a tank.  I wore it anyway. Because. And no, I didn’t look like a sex pot. I looked like every other young teen concert goer.

My brother and I sat back in the seats, not far up, but not in the pit where the moshing was.  He worked hard to keep an eye on me, but I was doing fine. I think it was The Posies who opened and they were grumpy that we weren’t listening to them because we were so excited about Soundgarden. They swore at us. So punk, so grunge.

At one point in the set, Soundgarden, who at this time was still a few years away from their Superunknown album, played a song called, “Big Dumb Sex”, which repeated the phrase:

“Hey, I know what I’m gonna do // I’m gonna fuck fuck fuck fuck you //“

over and over and over.  Well, this kind of horrified my brother and he tried to plug my ears. But, to no avail. Besides, I heard the song dozens of times before. This is the freedom I came here for after all.

This will be one of the best memories I have of my brother who struggles with severe bipolar disorder to this day, the onset of which would not come until another 4 years from this concert.

Chris Cornell’s passing late Wednesday night is like losing a family member. His music spoke to the generation X youth in Seattle and the world with its dark, brooding, melodic moods, and yet…ultimately positive and strong in its message of fighting through and overcoming personal demons.  It’s no secret that Chris himself struggled deeply with addiction and depression that could have taken his life countless times.

The news this morning is that his wife is disputing the suicide claims. It seems that he talked to her after his performance with Soundgarden in Detroit saying that he “may have taken a two or three extra Ativan.” She immediately called hotel security and asked them to check on him. They did, and found his lifeless body in the bathroom. The coroner states he committed suicide via hanging.  His wife says he was slurring his words and not himself. It makes more sense that the extra Ativan could have put him in an altered state that led to him not being of clear mind, perhaps leading him to such a sad ending.  Drugs, even prescription, can be dangerous in their side effects. And from the sound of it, he was a loving family man, planning upcoming Memorial Day holidays and summer trips to Greece. It just doesn’t make sense without the Ativan playing some part.

The sadness of his fans, while deep, cannot matched the grief of his wife, his young children, his bandmates. But, having come to “know” him, and essentially grow up with him in this city, we feel this goes deep in our blood, too.

The thing is…music was different back then. The culture was different. Pre-digital abundance, we were forced to discover music the hard ways: listening to the live radio, DJs, through friends, through local paper blurbs and listings, underground night clubs…it was all active work. Now, music is highly available and accessible; people don’t have to do the footwork.  Of course, there are positives to evolution, but it is an entirely different experience for today’s youth. Back then…well, it was something that made you who you were, your identity.

Chris Cornell’s astounding 4-octave voice, could go from a smooth baritone to a soulful-scream, seemingly endless air supply, power, tender vulnerability and a love of the art of melody, a true craftsman. Not to mention his lyrics, a kind of poetry that he put into notes, striking at the heart of his fans who could identify with his struggles, his relation to the city, and ultimately, his success. The man was beautiful…seriously striking beauty, with piercing blue eyes and curly brown hair, a ripped bare chest, those camo shorts and combat boots.  The girls dreamed of him. The guys wanted to be him. He was the epitome of rockstardom, but he was grace and humility and comfort in who he was…all in one.

Born in Seattle, he is truly the voice of Seattle. Eddie Vedder is a local boy, but not born here. Yes, he defines Seattle in another way. And Kurt, local but born in Aberdeen.  Chris? Born here, went to school here.  This man was gifted with a voice that could not be denied. We were blessed to hear it, more blessed to share his city.

I spent all day yesterday downtown at the fountain under the Space Needle, and at KEXP radio station where people were gathering to grieve. I was photographed by Getty and interviewed by our local paper. My swollen ugly cry puffy face is plastered over the internet in pictures on the news today.  I want to write about that next. For now, this is the start.

And you may have noticed I haven’t written much poetry this week. My brain has said it needed some quiet, to gather thoughts, allow new words to form. And then the news of Chris has set me back a bit, obviously. But, I expect that I will find a poem escape here in the next few days or sooner. Lot of processing going on.

Thank you for your love and support.

Em


All pictures mine.

Gambler

so you think you can win me

with a sweaty roll of dice

that I’m a bet to be waged

on a warm summer’s night

that I am your door prize

or a stack of cold cash

who will wait until

you call me to come back

to throw whatever remnants

you’ve got left in your hands

that I’ll take half-assed attempts

at my rare heart’s passion

your pathetic pass

gambling on my love

I’m worth more than that

so pony up or run

~ Emily C.

4.25.17

**

This is in response to a tag for “roll the dice” by a friend on Instagram.