Dark Sails

your dead dark sails billow
in the storm you tried to escape;
the one you aimed away from,
only you aimed the wrong way.

the way was rigged before
you chartered your doomed trip —
the patched vessel’s hull…rusted,
even as it moored in its safe slip.

you followed a fool star’s direction,
your fantasy in sky she wrote,
above glass water she beckoned,
twinkling false signs of hope.

onward into vast unknown,
i watched from wandering shore,
waving my warning arms,
all the harbingers you ignore.

the storm you failed to escape
shred your canvas heart,
trailing dark sails, straight
into toxic seas,

you sailed yourself apart.

~ Em C. 6.21.18

*For Anthony Bourdain, and anyone else who’s ever been taken for a ride by a manipulative narcissistic sociopath.

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Wayward

I found my belief in the forest
amongst green shaded wood,

eyes climbing bark to canopy;
below — the tender growth of hope.

trudging muddy mire,
steps out of sync,

breathing in staccato,
thunder didn’t blink.

there discovered my spirit
hidden in twisted vines,

choking on bitter yesterdays,
coughing up discarded time.

mutilated mutterings,
incomprehensible speech,

contorted in design;
my own hands out of reach.

I found my soul dangling —
hung by its own rope,

swaying to a fickle wind
which blew the familiar corpse.

’Twas mine once before…
I recognize the scars;

So I came to free me,
I came to cut the rope,

to gather sunken spirit, 
to merge with wayward hope;

to capture my fleeting belief,
to walk in footsteps whole;

ones I laid down a million miles 
on a path I’ve travelled alone,

on wandering red ground I know
that has cradled these bloody tears.

I found my belief in the forest
I followed the sound of loss

the calling of the heart,
the echo of my soul.

 

~ Em C.

5.28.18

The Human Magnet Syndrome

 

I cannot recommend this book enough. It should be required reading as humans. I read this a few years ago at the conclusion of a 6 year long toxic real-life relationship with a narcissistic sociopath. I wish someone had recommended it to me before. Alas, sometimes we have to go through it to learn to avoid it. Now I know.

I’m also happy to see he has completely revised and added another 125 pages to the first version.  I’ll be happy to pay again because I know it will be even more mind-blowing.

The codependent/narcissist relationship can be in any form: intimate, parental, familial. work, friend…any and all of the above.

Rosenberg lays it out in such a clear way that you will look back at all of your relationships and marvel at the patterns and the types of people that attract you, who  you attract, and why. It may even shed light on your friends and family and their relationships. It will *all* make sense.

I’ve given it to multiple friends who have benefitted greatly from the revelations it provides.

Careful out there, friends. Educate yourself.

 

 

The Day I Tried to Live

I woke the same as any other day
Except a voice was in my head
It said seize the day, pull the trigger, drop the blade
And watch the rolling heads

The day I tried to live
I stole a thousand beggar’s change
And gave it to the rich
The day I tried to win
I dangled from the power lines
And let the martyrs stretch yeah
Singing, one more time around
Might do it
One more time around
Might make it
One more time around
Might do it
One more time around
The day I tried to live
The words you say
Never seem to live up to the ones inside your head
The lives we make
Never seem to ever get us anywhere but dead
The day I tried to live
I wallowed in the blood and mud with all the other pigs
Singing, one more time around
Might do it
One more time around
Might make it
One more time around
Might do it
One more time aroundThe day I tried to live, live

I tried

I woke the same as any other day you know
I should have stayed in bed
The day I tried to win
I wallowed in the blood and mud with all the other pigsAnd I learned that I was a liar (one more time around)
I learned that I was a liar (one more time around)
I learned that I was a liar (one more time around)
I learned that I was a liar (one more time around)

Singing one more time around
(Might do it)
One more time around
(Might make it)
One more time around
(Might do it)
One more time around (might make it)

The day I tried to live, live

Just like you
Just like you
One more time around
One more time around~ Chris Cornell, Soundgarden

Burden in my Hand

Follow me into the desert
As thirsty as you are
Crack a smile and cut your mouth
And drown in alcohol
‘Cause down below the truth is lying
Beneath the riverbed
So quench yourself and drink the water
That flows below her head

Oh no there she goes
Out in the sunshine the sun is mine
The sun is mine
I shot my love today would you cry for me?
I lost my head again would you lie for me?
Close your eyes and bow your head
I need a little sympathy
‘Cause fear is strong and love’s for everyone
Who isn’t me
Kill your health and kill yourself
And kill everything you love
And if you live you can fall to pieces
And suffer with my ghost
I shot my love today would you cry for me?
I lost my head again would you lie for me?
I left her in the sand just a burden in my hand
I lost my head again would you cry for me
Just a burden in my hand
Just an anchor on my heart
Just a tumor in my head
And I’m in the dark
So follow me into the desert
As desperate as you are
Where the moon is glued to a picture of heaven
And all the little pigs have God
Oh no there she goes
Out in the sunshine the sun is mine
The sun is mine
I shot my love today would you cry for me yeah?
I lost my head again would you lie for me?
Left her in the sand just a burden in my hand
I lost my head again would you cry for me, yeah
Would you cry for me?~ Chris Cornell, Soundgarden