A Grand Illusion

everything is a grand illusion:
the sunset, clouds,
the night’s long-dead stars,

the way you smiled at me.

how the trees touch the sky
and my breathing
— in, out, in, out.

metronomic existence
timed to expire
when the game is done.

trick of the eye, this life…
like your love
bad roll of the dice
random happenstance
slick hands you had
and
words as concrete
as the tide,

that always detracts more than adds
when it pulls away,
subsides.

leaving worn rocks…
deceptive in their strength
erodible in time, like

the strongest hearts.

if we close our eyes,
does nothing exist?

when we open them
what
can we trust?

~ Emily C.

8.14.17

Another Red Sun

another red sun
another night sky
another day gone by

without you

another gasp for clean air
another grasp for you here
another pass at a chance

with you

another tomorrow became today
another scream inside my head
another mistake made

beside you

another wish dies on wind
another kiss left hanging
another you left me

bleeding heavy

another us never happens
another we is in the past
another time sought fleeing

memories

 

~ Emily C.

8.6.17

Wildfire Moon

Wildfire moon, orange in night sky
witness to the burn, reflector of fire

night is a hot oven, skin melts puddles
not a fresh breath, nor window open

smoke on tongues, 
numb tingles ripple
lethargy death grip, otherworldly rogue


escape, no option, water, only hope
bunker in basement, hiding to cope


horizon designed, devoid of detail
mountains hide, water invisible

red sun sets, ruby in dead sky
hell on earth, no end in sight


~ Emily C.

8.3.17

***

Things are not good in Seattle and Vancouver and much of the northwest. Hundreds of wildfires in British Columbia have been sending smoke all over including smothering Seattle. We are also having a heat wave in the 90s to near 100 this week with no signs of letting up this coming week. This is day 3 of suffocating haze and smoke smell. It looks like a foggy Christmas Eve around here. Can’t see the city skyline, the mountains have disappeared and the streetlights look out of a dark London alley. We do not have clouds so everything in these pics are smoke. Can’t open windows because of the unhealthy air quality which means the house is ridiculously hot and muggy. Some respite in basement but it’s got moldy smell like basements do…so the choices aren’t pleasant either way. Hoping al are safe in BC. Sounds like at least a few fires have been determined arson. Terrible. The sun has been otherworldly in its redness, and he moon in its orangeness…makes for eerie pictures.

Not looking forward to the next several days.

(All pictures are mine except the red sun and ferry picture by Sigma Shreedharan.)

The haze around the Space Needle is smoke, with orange moon above


Red sun through the trees

(There is supposed to be an ocean and a huge mountain range there…)

In These Dreams

I dreamed of the words
I’d never speak

tucked in blankets of apathy
turning in throes
wild and free, wild and me

under stars I painted in my own sky

a black canvas
only meant for light

old night
brought new consciousness

rattled into being it spoke
from a beyond I could not reach

could not hear, would not see
will never know
but here, but now

in these dreams

 

~ Emily C.

7.29.17

Summer’s Chill

winter took my mind
away when summer came
dark where light had shined
mind took form of snow

twisted nooks and crannies
matter dusted cobweb ice
summoning spring in silence
still meditation dictates

whether conscious or distracted
whether forward or back
(how much can I feel
if I hold my breath?)

winter took my mind
frosted smiles in jackfrost ferns
shaped in frozen fronds of time
captured sunny summer spells

lip corners curled
perpetual outer shell
confuse the outer world
won’t figure my seasons out

winter took my mind
out to play today
wormhole field trip, I
will gladly slide away

(how much can I feel
if I hold my breath?)
wait for winter winds
summer’s chill
to thaw

 

~ Emily C.

6.19.17

Under Aching Bough of Pine

daisies leaning toward the sun
late on summer’s eve
my toes in grass curling plead
for ever longer days

shadow shapes evolve
into geometric sundials,
to shift in setting light, I might
easily lose track of time

left etched by patterned memories
making tangrams out of thoughts
overhead swirling sky turns
indigo, a bed to dancing stars

restless heart wanders
under aching bough of pine
climbing high to precipice
till moonlight night is mine

looking for where I left you
where you left me to be
searchlight spies land nigh
to find earth dreaming empty

save for daisies — upright now,
closed to evening sight,
I take their cue, seal my petals
alone to dark ground, I slide

will morrow bring new light?
will it see your face?
on barren turf I toss…
till sleep decides this fate

 

~ Emily C.

6.6.17

 

Blow Up the Outside World

 

Blow Up the Outside World ~ Soundgarden

 

Nothing seems to kill me no matter how hard I try
Nothing is closing my eyes
Nothing can beat me down for your pain or delight
And nothing seems to break me
No matter how hard I fall
Nothing can break me at all
Not one for giving up though not invincible I know

I’ve givin’ everything I need
I’d give you everything I own
I’d give in if it could at least be ours alone
I’ve given everything I could
To blow it to hell and gone
Burrow down in and blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside world

Someone tried to tell me something
Don’t let the world bring you down?
Nothing will do me in before I do myself
So save it for your own and the ones you can help

I’ve givin’ everything I need
I’d give you everything I own
I’d give in if it could at least be ours alone
I’ve given everything I could
To blow it to hell and gone
Burrow down in and blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside world

Want to make it understood
Wanting though I never would
Trying though I know it’s wrong
Blowing it to hell and gone
Wishing though I never could

Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside world

Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside world
Blow up the outside

Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside
Blow up the outside