Rain Stick Serenades

I lie in bed

and listen

to the pain falling

down my shattered spine

in rain stick serenades

and sober regrets,

asynchronous time

and crescendoes that sing

notes of memories

that become warnings

to heed

when the fire dies down,

when the days warm,

and these bones heal

once more

~ Em C. 12.22.18

*the type of poem one writes when they’ve severely jacked up their neck and back, like me…lying supine listening to rain and pain.

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Walking in an upside down world

walking in an upside down world

deceptive calm before the storm

pregnant sky’s belly roiling

the fish seek their holes

.

time chokes on repeat

a skip in the record of space

passing smiles born to defeat

feet run a going-nowhere pace

.

tick but no tock

wait until it opens wide

catching on the devil’s hook

nowhere to run,
nowhere to hide

~ Em C. 12.14.18

 

{photo by me}

Retrospective

retrospective gazing
at a life’s night that lost
itself in parchment phases,
my head

turned your memory
into wormhole scrapbooks
mocking long-lost destiny,
lessons learned one-by-one
in glue stick plastering,
mapping glossy mistakes
in page-numbered time,

the cold sorcery of pictures
posted in behind-the-back
finger-crossing finery,
dressing up camera ready
fragile smiles
with never-to-be dreams,
soon cracked to shattered bits
by the hammer
of reality

~ Emily C.
12.8.18

I Was Color

I warned you I was color.
play unbridled.

that I was bright light and moonlit dreams.

I warned you
that my energy
was a star
that maps could not chart.

winding-road runner,
seeker of everything far.

cool milk down the throat
butter melting on the tongue
salted chocolate laughs
and heat-seeker heart

I stopped flying
so I could meet you on the ground.
a stunned robin lost in your brush,
I amputated my wings on your dead love.

I am the spark

you need,
yet deny
suffocate
stifle
until snuffed.

I warned you I would live.

I didn’t know
it would kill me.

~ Em C.
12.5.18

Hear Me Go

eyes closed indefinitely

candle flicker remains

moving through reality

blinded by silent pain

slowest fight imaginable

quiet like the mouse

no one within a radius

of 100 miles round

breathing with the fire

in lungs drown by air

taking steps in increments

without moving anywhere

alone in moments unnoticed

days go by in hiding

no one knows i’m naked

no one knows i’m dressed

if i stepped outside today

if i said hello

if i choked on a pill

no one would hear me go

~ Em ~

2.3.18

The Last Dying Star

your love is the last dying star

i can’t reach its fading light

grasping at the growing dark

ripping vast cavity into night

so far from glittered evening sky

we’ve come to find it empty

one by one fond memories die

lingering long words you left me

flicker till the blackness reigns

and all that’s left leaves misery

cold heart vacuum of this love

lost without celestial guide

your love was the very last star

i watched it fade away

as distance grew interminably

and with death met cursed day

~Em~

1.31.18

The Gravedigger

the gravedigger crosses my path every morning
on the road bisecting the cemetery.
the casket pincers dangle
on the green John Deer
by the rope and the pails and shovels
darting between halves of plotted lawns
dotted with names no longer spoken
and where daisies upward yawn

cars pass on the oblivious highway

to jobs, to doctors, to cafes
to escape, full of worry
apathy, joy, disappointment
mad at the traffic jam
mad at the news
their wives/husbands/friends

road rage — life rage

while bodies sleep cold
beneath, expired

tired we drive
blinking numbly
at lights that tell us

to stop
go, stop


if we deviate
we lose time

but if we deviate
we gain life

the gravedigger reminds me
the cemetery waits

my breath cannot be wasted
unless I forget
I am alive

~ Em ~

1.29.18