Tears of Thorns

tears of thorns fell from eyes
— a cry for all that left her —
a saline sigh 
for souls gone by

a wail for those departed.

a guttural scream,
for the nothing in the wake
of their wakes —

as hard as it needed to be
as long as it took to heal
goddammit

don’t lend your hand
unless you don’t mind

getting wet
or punctured
by the dripping pain

lend me your silence

…and…
(…and until…)
I breathe again

my heart on offer
for a limited time
to a worthy bidder
capable of navigating
these

tears flowing from ravine eyes
that carried curdling current
far from its nascent origin
to burgeoning
bursting
walls
of loss

 

~ Emily C.

7.22.17

Good Morning Glory

Good morning glory…
blinding white sun,
vines entwined round flowers
choking life undone

by nyctinastic summer blooms 
…you rise despite our hands
that yank and tug and pull,
removing you, none can.

But something must die
for you to grow.
Something must suffocate
for you to show.

Spread your slithering tentacles,
grabbing at anything;
all disappears
beneath beauty’s smothering —

A smile for you
is a smile for death,
for kill or be killed…
summer’s Coliseum contest.

 

~ Emily C.

6.24.17

No Answer

darkness rumbles in distant realms.

inner ear hears mountains moans.

taking steps on trampoline floor,

shaking when the wind shifts core.

thrown to the abyss against my wish…

…these walls have been carved before

their messages clear and clearly old,

alone I fall amongst long lost,

my screams only heard by sediment;

it crumbles in my turbulent wake,

but all I feel is my own cold breath,

exhaling gales in earth-scoring notes,

writing my story read by none,

except the stars when entropy wins,

when all returns to nothingness.

why does life matter?

I ask whom exactly?

no answer comes back.

all is black.

~ Emily C.

6.22.17

Uncaught

I was the one you loved
but oh God, I couldn’t bear its truth —
to know you would
love me through
the worst

when only the best
is what I wanted to give you
when my weakest
was all I had

how could I fall
the way I had to
how it was coming, like it or not,
knowing you would
want to catch me

you see
I am uncatchable, 
unsavable

you, the warrior knight
never did I want to hurt you
through my hurt
through my certain demise
through not letting you love me

(better you don’t —

better you find a reason
to hate me)

as I will love you
from safe distance
far from where my pain

might taint the treasure

of your heart

~ Emily C.

6.21.17

Still

now my eyes can only see cosmos
when they are closed
visions of eternity design frescos
in spinning stars

behind cloak of sight
comfort in their disarray
I am in control of my night
the only place chaos is calm

to park my mind for a spell
lose myself, willingly
…would it be so bad
if I left this hell?

hell that tries to pass for life
all that is steady evades
mocking my drifting strife
grasping in vain, slipping away


nothing is as it seems
but when eyes
planted shut within a pretty place

are closed so very tight:

I could be still
while
cosmos swirls


~ Emily C.

6.20.17

So Very Far

There, the finish line so very far away
wearing this chain around my neck
dragging burdens clang in sway
like damning bells speaking death

no cheering team aside the chute
no hands of help extended me
my gait distorted in lines astray
my face contorted by life’s dismay

how long must this suffering endure
how far will these feet smear blood
the path is endless, onward rolls
its torturous shape — a möbius loop

to them my countenance all the same
the pain invisible to naked eye
for every smile cracks through dark
and belies its truth of dying light

~ Emily C.

6.18.17

Last Sound

Sun is at my back
my shadow long
grass is tall
I’ve lost the ocean
I’ve lost my sea

Sun is setting
it’s all I can see
it’s all I can feel

My shadow blows
on bending reeds
forever pointing
ninety degrees
east of me
away from me

I’ve lost my ocean
I’ve lost the sea
life is sinking
dark is all I see
dark is all I feel

Sun drifts down
behind my back
forgetting my name
I scream “I am here”
I scream

but
sun returns to cave

My feet walk onward
following those reeds
following those reeds
who know more than me
point me some direction
…any
any but back
any but back
any but back

Did you know
train tracks whistle
before the train arrives
the last sound heard

warning no one
in time

~ Emily C.

6.10.17