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you found your way back into my soul, how…

this long lost traveler, long lost love tore

waves were waved and goodbyes relayed

bags packed for a forever that would never stay

watched you leave, cried on your living grave


made my peace, learned what open love gave


lit a torch in my cave during heart’s bloody rain


yet let go of hope for rescue that never came


as time ran forward like a wayward deer


sprinting through forest hell bent on being free


earth spun in sunken eyes, drunk on toxic tears


jaded by pain, not to believe again, I disappear


blending into the mold in the meadow


tread upon by passing bedfellows


wondering where you flew


to see you alight, aglow


upon my torch raised


drop to knees

I blow it out
light floods in
lead me
home

~ Emily C. 10.20.17

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Of Silenced Life

September blue sky, American city
gleaming high,
foreign designs
lurking behind
surveillance screens,
moving freely
catching flights,

one-way

full of lives taken that day
trapped on planes, on floors high above

that American city, under September blue sky

bustling business until crash witnessed
upward gazes frozen, shocked in place

not one…two…not three…four

not an accident…intentional

friend…family…missing…

steel marvel melted, imploding
inward like nothing seen before
dust apocalypse consumes all
in its path

the smell of annihilation
of nothing left
of silenced life

life that fought

that saved
that chose
between options
no one should

life that will always be remembered
honored, missed

that American city, forever changed
on that September blue sky day
and forever stronger
the heartbeat of a nation
leading the way

two towers gone
3000 lives lost
millions of tears shed
one country united
never forget

 

~ Emily C.

9.11.17

****

16 years ago was as blue a sky kind of day as today. I remember the stunning confusion, the watching endless hours of coverage. I remember initial denial bargaining, saying, “Surely they had to all have gotten out, right…right?” Then realizing we were watching thousands dying live on tv. I still went to work…numb. Came home and sobbed while watching the footage of people pleading for info on their loved ones, missing posters lining the streets. I remember the silence of the lake’s float planes that were always daily
sound in my apartment. Eerie quiet.

But, ultimately, as traumatic as it was from 3000 miles away, it didn’t really hit fully until visiting Ground Zero last year, the monuments, and the museum; that the true magnitude of that day could feel tangible.

It’s hard to say what impacted me the most, but the tears really poured when I saw the foundation wall of one of the towers behind which still lie uncollected remains, and upon the face of which has blue tiles, as blue as the sky that day with the quote “No day shall erase you from the memory of time.” Or maybe the portion of preserved staircase that still has blood stains on it. The mangled fire trucks, the personal items, the recorded phone calls, the video.

I think everyone should hope to visit in their lifetimes. Never forget the victims and heroes. May it never be repeated.

Another Red Sun

another red sun
another night sky
another day gone by

without you

another gasp for clean air
another grasp for you here
another pass at a chance

with you

another tomorrow became today
another scream inside my head
another mistake made

beside you

another wish dies on wind
another kiss left hanging
another you left me

bleeding heavy

another us never happens
another we is in the past
another time sought fleeing

memories

 

~ Emily C.

8.6.17

Seasons

 

 

“Seasons” ~ Chris Cornell      (Singles Soundtrack)

Summer nights and long warm days
Are stolen as the old moon falls
My mirror shows another face
Another place to hide it all
Another place to hide it all

And I’m lost, behind
The words I’ll never find
And I’m left behind
As seasons roll on by

Sleeping with a full moon blanket
Sand and feathers for my head
Dreams have never been the answer
And dreams have never made my bed
Dreams have never made my bed

And I’m lost, behind
The words I’ll never find
And I’m left behind
As seasons roll on by

Now I want to fly above the storm
But you can’t grow feathers in the rain
And the naked floor is cold as hell
This naked floor reminds me
Oh the naked floor reminds me

And I’m lost, behind
Words I’ll never find
And I’m left behind
As seasons roll on by

If I should be short on words
And long on things to say
Could you crawl into my world
And take me worlds away
Should I be beside myself
And not even stay

And I’m lost, behind
Words I’ll never find
And I’m left behind
As seasons roll on by

Lands of Time

Jupiter drifted behind swaying pines
while Ursa Major’s bear lines
told me stories of my past

I let my mind, my love, drift to you

…somewhere there in deep dark blue

while meteors burned a trillion tears
in the fragile firmament
on this moonless night

— luna stolen when you died,

so all stars
would be brighter
in your absence:

their gain

our loss…no shame
in this kind of pain
that speaks of the impact

the black hole crater

your superhuman soul left

in shifting lands of time

~ Emily C.

5.23.17

You

you
seduced sun into oblivion

we
were okay with that

you
made lying in darkness okay

we
joined you in black

you
gave life to our emotions

we
sang along

you
lit stars with your voice

we
the blessed audience

you
were us

we
will now be you

~ Emily C.

5.21.17

***

I’m so tapped out from this week. The grief is real. And I am merely one of millions of people feeling this way. I can only think in short bits. It’s all I have right now.