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you found your way back into my soul, how…

this long lost traveler, long lost love tore

waves were waved and goodbyes relayed

bags packed for a forever that would never stay

watched you leave, cried on your living grave


made my peace, learned what open love gave


lit a torch in my cave during heart’s bloody rain


yet let go of hope for rescue that never came


as time ran forward like a wayward deer


sprinting through forest hell bent on being free


earth spun in sunken eyes, drunk on toxic tears


jaded by pain, not to believe again, I disappear


blending into the mold in the meadow


tread upon by passing bedfellows


wondering where you flew


to see you alight, aglow


upon my torch raised


drop to knees

I blow it out
light floods in
lead me
home

~ Emily C. 10.20.17

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Poisoned Dreams

your chest was once my pillow
your heart my poisoned dreams
the driving rain on the window
my tears echoed in their grief

a stroke of hand feels for flesh
reveals illusion in night’s death
a nothingness in place of you
a vacant cold my hands caressed

your image stirs behind tired lids
your name froths on tip of tongue
drifting to unconsciousness
toxic dreams of hope, my bane

to wake, to sleep, matters not
either realm reminds me
you left your crumbs of memories
dried bits of love left molding

o, slip me wine, a bottle or two
numb this aching heart
how can one escape a ghost
when he’s in every thought

 

~ Emily C.

10.4.17

Of Silenced Life

September blue sky, American city
gleaming high,
foreign designs
lurking behind
surveillance screens,
moving freely
catching flights,

one-way

full of lives taken that day
trapped on planes, on floors high above

that American city, under September blue sky

bustling business until crash witnessed
upward gazes frozen, shocked in place

not one…two…not three…four

not an accident…intentional

friend…family…missing…

steel marvel melted, imploding
inward like nothing seen before
dust apocalypse consumes all
in its path

the smell of annihilation
of nothing left
of silenced life

life that fought

that saved
that chose
between options
no one should

life that will always be remembered
honored, missed

that American city, forever changed
on that September blue sky day
and forever stronger
the heartbeat of a nation
leading the way

two towers gone
3000 lives lost
millions of tears shed
one country united
never forget

 

~ Emily C.

9.11.17

****

16 years ago was as blue a sky kind of day as today. I remember the stunning confusion, the watching endless hours of coverage. I remember initial denial bargaining, saying, “Surely they had to all have gotten out, right…right?” Then realizing we were watching thousands dying live on tv. I still went to work…numb. Came home and sobbed while watching the footage of people pleading for info on their loved ones, missing posters lining the streets. I remember the silence of the lake’s float planes that were always daily
sound in my apartment. Eerie quiet.

But, ultimately, as traumatic as it was from 3000 miles away, it didn’t really hit fully until visiting Ground Zero last year, the monuments, and the museum; that the true magnitude of that day could feel tangible.

It’s hard to say what impacted me the most, but the tears really poured when I saw the foundation wall of one of the towers behind which still lie uncollected remains, and upon the face of which has blue tiles, as blue as the sky that day with the quote “No day shall erase you from the memory of time.” Or maybe the portion of preserved staircase that still has blood stains on it. The mangled fire trucks, the personal items, the recorded phone calls, the video.

I think everyone should hope to visit in their lifetimes. Never forget the victims and heroes. May it never be repeated.

Another Red Sun

another red sun
another night sky
another day gone by

without you

another gasp for clean air
another grasp for you here
another pass at a chance

with you

another tomorrow became today
another scream inside my head
another mistake made

beside you

another wish dies on wind
another kiss left hanging
another you left me

bleeding heavy

another us never happens
another we is in the past
another time sought fleeing

memories

 

~ Emily C.

8.6.17

Stone, Alone

I stood there naked
bared to all
a soul without a home

Awash in meandering sunbeams
I bathed
frozen in stone, alone

To take one step would shatter
marbled memories
onto cold hardwood floor

The mind seeks nimble compass
to guide me far
toward your closed door

Yet when I gaze to palm for north
compass aims
arrow back to timid heart

So till the chisel of your love
takes aim 
at fortress in my chest

I stand here naked
bared to all
frozen heart, in stone,

alone

 

 

~ Emily C.

8.5.17

Tears of Thorns

tears of thorns fell from eyes
— a cry for all that left her —
a saline sigh 
for souls gone by

a wail for those departed.

a guttural scream,
for the nothing in the wake
of their wakes —

as hard as it needed to be
as long as it took to heal
goddammit

don’t lend your hand
unless you don’t mind

getting wet
or punctured
by the dripping pain

lend me your silence

…and…
(…and until…)
I breathe again

my heart on offer
for a limited time
to a worthy bidder
capable of navigating
these

tears flowing from ravine eyes
that carried curdling current
far from its nascent origin
to burgeoning
bursting
walls
of loss

 

~ Emily C.

7.22.17