It Won’t

It won’t be the day you leave
not the flashbacks in my head

It wont be the years I grieve
nor the voices speaking back

It won’t be the nights of black
not the dreams I wish away

It won’t be my cold turned back
nor the mornings in no one’s arms

It won’t be when the coffee’s cold
not the untouched gourmet meals

It won’t be as the clock chimes one
nor the unused hung up clothes

It will be
when I go back

to the cliff
you saved me from
— this time alone

 

~ Emily C.

6.27.17

 

 

Tide of Stars

Prayers at the shoreline to distant gods,
mantras and chants for mystery maker.
Dark matter ripples gently move her hair.

Evening storm retreats, trailing shocks strike
as parting clouds evaporate like dried tears
she cried once, for life’s loves, lives lost,

while tidal waves yawn on black horizon,
swallowing all with a smacking crash,
closing in upon her beach this night

until in dark consuming light she sees
tides of stars at her bare feet, collecting
along moondust sand with each lick of waves.

In her graceful aging youth, never to be old,
she smiles — the stars gathered in her palms
chime as diamonds might in a gathered dress

that flows along winds of time — which pauses.
One dainty swirl and scattered again, they fly…
in the distance, a shooting star aims for her heart.

~ Emily C.

 

6.25.17

Uncaught

I was the one you loved
but oh God, I couldn’t bear its truth —
to know you would
love me through
the worst

when only the best
is what I wanted to give you
when my weakest
was all I had

how could I fall
the way I had to
how it was coming, like it or not,
knowing you would
want to catch me

you see
I am uncatchable, 
unsavable

you, the warrior knight
never did I want to hurt you
through my hurt
through my certain demise
through not letting you love me

(better you don’t —

better you find a reason
to hate me)

as I will love you
from safe distance
far from where my pain

might taint the treasure

of your heart

~ Emily C.

6.21.17

This is How You Walk On

Hi friends. So, I’m still fighting this chest cold thing, going on week two. I’m quite foggy headed and dizzy so my ability to handle screen time for writing and reading is pretty limited. I did manage to get out to see a movie yesterday and discovered this song that is on the soundtrack. I gave it a go, but I’m still quite coughy and cracking in the voice. Turned out okay, I think…considering. 🙂

This song is one of those songs that when you hear it, you want him to be singing to you. One of those songs that speaks to exactly what you need someone to say: “I’m here. I won’t promise things will be okay. Life can suck. But, I’m here.”  So, in case you need someone to sing/say this to you, I dedicate it to you.

❤ Em

“This is How We Walk On” ~ Gary Lightbody (from Snow Patrol)

A new wind is blowing through these streets
Those cold days are history to us
I’m not saying times they won’t get tough
We still got each other that’s enough

I know life ain’t simple for you, dear
But I’m here and I’m not going anywhere
I’m not saying “I know how you feel”
I just know that I can help you, dear

Don’t lose your mind
Don’t lose you good heart
Just know this time
That you’ll be waking up
In all these better days

This is how you walk on
This is where you belong
And I’m not saying
This isn’t where you’ll stay
But this is how you walk on
This is how you walk on

The warm light of the evening sings so sweet
Cold grass underneath your dancing feet
This simple things mean more than I can say
These moments make up for all past our days

Don’t lose your mind
Don’t lose you good heart
Just know this time
That you’ll be waking up
In all these better days

This is how you walk on
This is where you belong
And I’m not saying
This isn’t where you’ll stay
But this is how you walk on
This is how you walk on

This is how you walk on
This is where you belong
And I’m not saying
This isn’t where you’ll stay
But this is how you walk on
This is how you walk on

This is how you walk on
This is where you belong
And I’m not saying
This isn’t where you’ll stay
But this is how you walk on
This is how you walk on

Last Sound

Sun is at my back
my shadow long
grass is tall
I’ve lost the ocean
I’ve lost my sea

Sun is setting
it’s all I can see
it’s all I can feel

My shadow blows
on bending reeds
forever pointing
ninety degrees
east of me
away from me

I’ve lost my ocean
I’ve lost the sea
life is sinking
dark is all I see
dark is all I feel

Sun drifts down
behind my back
forgetting my name
I scream “I am here”
I scream

but
sun returns to cave

My feet walk onward
following those reeds
following those reeds
who know more than me
point me some direction
…any
any but back
any but back
any but back

Did you know
train tracks whistle
before the train arrives
the last sound heard

warning no one
in time

~ Emily C.

6.10.17

So Frame Me

wilted like the plucked flower
off a tree, dying on the stem
color bright in death throes
one last glorious show

you kept me in a book
shaken and mistook
flattened by your game
you stole from me my name

claimed trophy of your escapades
prize of love commandeered
wanted poster memorialized
my heart dehydrated in time

fragile now, these petals crack
veins that once beat blood back
responding to your poisonous voice
lured to an end not of choice

so frame me in herbarium
categorize me in collection
then take me out to share
after all, why else am I here

 

~ Emily C.

6.8.17