Uncaught

I was the one you loved
but oh God, I couldn’t bear its truth —
to know you would
love me through
the worst

when only the best
is what I wanted to give you
when my weakest
was all I had

how could I fall
the way I had to
how it was coming, like it or not,
knowing you would
want to catch me

you see
I am uncatchable, 
unsavable

you, the warrior knight
never did I want to hurt you
through my hurt
through my certain demise
through not letting you love me

(better you don’t —

better you find a reason
to hate me)

as I will love you
from safe distance
far from where my pain

might taint the treasure

of your heart

~ Emily C.

6.21.17

Still

now my eyes can only see cosmos
when they are closed
visions of eternity design frescos
in spinning stars

behind cloak of sight
comfort in their disarray
I am in control of my night
the only place chaos is calm

to park my mind for a spell
lose myself, willingly
…would it be so bad
if I left this hell?

hell that tries to pass for life
all that is steady evades
mocking my drifting strife
grasping in vain, slipping away


nothing is as it seems
but when eyes
planted shut within a pretty place

are closed so very tight:

I could be still
while
cosmos swirls


~ Emily C.

6.20.17

So Very Far

There, the finish line so very far away
wearing this chain around my neck
dragging burdens clang in sway
like damning bells speaking death

no cheering team aside the chute
no hands of help extended me
my gait distorted in lines astray
my face contorted by life’s dismay

how long must this suffering endure
how far will these feet smear blood
the path is endless, onward rolls
its torturous shape — a möbius loop

to them my countenance all the same
the pain invisible to naked eye
for every smile cracks through dark
and belies its truth of dying light

~ Emily C.

6.18.17

As Rain Falls

As rain falls dripping chapters
I read between descending spheres
Reflections captured in glass globes
Past fortunes interpreted as dreams

As dreams fall in misty memories
Caught in wandering wistful eyes
Clouded by what could have been 
Flooded by lost pasts, I cry

As tears overflow heart’s garden
Sky and salty brine combined
Long dormant buried wishes
Sprout forth in fertile soil’s palm

 

~ Emily C.

6.15.17

Grayscale

clouds speak for me my stories
when mind can’t make the words
they roll in curling narratives
lofted high on winds seaward

billowing in grayscale pain
they gather under distant stars
in darkness harkens beauty’s rain
drowning, drifting, away, afar

their thunder breaks my silence
read them, dear reader, read them
one day you’ll find me again, writing
on dry shoreline’s clean slate sand

 

~ Emily C.

6.13.17

This is How You Walk On

Hi friends. So, I’m still fighting this chest cold thing, going on week two. I’m quite foggy headed and dizzy so my ability to handle screen time for writing and reading is pretty limited. I did manage to get out to see a movie yesterday and discovered this song that is on the soundtrack. I gave it a go, but I’m still quite coughy and cracking in the voice. Turned out okay, I think…considering. 🙂

This song is one of those songs that when you hear it, you want him to be singing to you. One of those songs that speaks to exactly what you need someone to say: “I’m here. I won’t promise things will be okay. Life can suck. But, I’m here.”  So, in case you need someone to sing/say this to you, I dedicate it to you.

❤ Em

“This is How We Walk On” ~ Gary Lightbody (from Snow Patrol)

A new wind is blowing through these streets
Those cold days are history to us
I’m not saying times they won’t get tough
We still got each other that’s enough

I know life ain’t simple for you, dear
But I’m here and I’m not going anywhere
I’m not saying “I know how you feel”
I just know that I can help you, dear

Don’t lose your mind
Don’t lose you good heart
Just know this time
That you’ll be waking up
In all these better days

This is how you walk on
This is where you belong
And I’m not saying
This isn’t where you’ll stay
But this is how you walk on
This is how you walk on

The warm light of the evening sings so sweet
Cold grass underneath your dancing feet
This simple things mean more than I can say
These moments make up for all past our days

Don’t lose your mind
Don’t lose you good heart
Just know this time
That you’ll be waking up
In all these better days

This is how you walk on
This is where you belong
And I’m not saying
This isn’t where you’ll stay
But this is how you walk on
This is how you walk on

This is how you walk on
This is where you belong
And I’m not saying
This isn’t where you’ll stay
But this is how you walk on
This is how you walk on

This is how you walk on
This is where you belong
And I’m not saying
This isn’t where you’ll stay
But this is how you walk on
This is how you walk on